11-24-2014, 11:50 AM
Nice title for the poem.
The mood of the poem was a little hard for me to with. You focused on end rhymes, left out the parts of the lines which is what disturbed the flow of your poem.
Your poem is short quick to read but such poems need good meter. Maybe a little editing of the lines would balance your poem up.
For someone like me not much evolved with the virtue world. some words like Tractor beam or how you seem to fall deep in this flickering monitor were a little hard to grasp. But sounds like a good poem overall. Thanks
The mood of the poem was a little hard for me to with. You focused on end rhymes, left out the parts of the lines which is what disturbed the flow of your poem.
Your poem is short quick to read but such poems need good meter. Maybe a little editing of the lines would balance your poem up.
For someone like me not much evolved with the virtue world. some words like Tractor beam or how you seem to fall deep in this flickering monitor were a little hard to grasp. But sounds like a good poem overall. Thanks