11-23-2014, 01:33 PM
Hi Dale - your idea is strong but it just didn't follow through. Maybe it's because the three lines give three images, but there's no Aha! moment where they tilt, or change, at least, not for me. I played with
old woman
slowly mopping floor -
ceiling crumbles
but that felt kind of slapstick, where you want to tell a sad story about life. Or the end of it, anyway. Don't give up - keep going!
old woman
slowly mopping floor -
ceiling crumbles
but that felt kind of slapstick, where you want to tell a sad story about life. Or the end of it, anyway. Don't give up - keep going!
