Janitorial Worker

[Erthona]

Milo wrote: "The adjectives in their current positions read "tired"

It would be more interesting to see a musty woman with a grey haired mop."

Really? I didn't know adjectives could read at all.

Yes it would be interesting to see a musty woman, although I don't know how one would do that. 

Unless she is a ghost or invisible I don't know why you would have difficulty seeing her. Perhaps the narrator is Homer?

I think maybe it would be difficult seeing her because "musty" is something one can smell, not something one can see.

I assume then you take exception to "old" "musty" and "gray" in their current locale and would move them to other residences. Please enlighten me as to where their new zip code should be, por favor. If you continue to press the idea of gray-haired mop I will assume you have lost you mind more than usual or have gotten hold of some really good drugs. Only if I were attempting to write a poem based on something akin to Dali symbolism would I ever consider such a phrase as "gray-haired mop". Besides I would bypass that and use "Gray raggedy Ann doll head mop" which cast it baleful eyes upon you as you try to mop the floor, mud oozing up as you pass. Something of a Steven King/Sisyphean motif I think.

I did want the "poem" as a whole to have a bit of a tiredness about it, as it slowly mops its way towards death, but I sense you are using tired in a different way. I do not think it would improve the poem to start it with:

gray-haired building
a musty old mop with woman...

Or if we are to break the fake " on" count completely

old building 
musty woman with gray-haired mop
bleach covers the floor

I think you can write that one if you wish, you are welcome to it

dale