Sting

[azure]

I think the edit has helped, but I still get caught up between 'her' and 'our' and 'you' -





[quote='azure' pid='179492' dateline='1416631377']
Edit 1.01

The stars pulsed alive that night
when I tore her cheek on the door nail, your?
tussling over pink panties Needed?

Dawn arrived, bringing our bawdy buddies home.
They howled as the bitter sun rose,
warming our impatience.

Reluctantly I waved her goodbye, you?
biting my lip. a little confused here as to who is biting
[i]
My cells still sting with the urge of you.
[/i]


It's almost there, I think.

Check it out now, got rid of the biting part. Don't know if I should change the 'you' in the last line? Still thinking...