Viscous 11-11

[billy]

i like the ambiguity of the poem but it's ambiguity is also a problem. the poem needs an anchor to ground it.
the title does give us 11/11 which is armistice day and that's good but after the that apart from the duty line,; the poem feels very weak in content

Viscous

 
 
The world was sickening, when no need for [when]
duty called for giant men this line is excellent but needs something solid to hold more water
knowing blood was thinner than slaughter clever way of getting round the cliche but it's more of a trick than an achievement.
 
to ensure its thickening, by
evaporating into sky,
or dissolving into water. now the poem is stretching to much without giving anything solid, no point of reference
 
It's harder to remember who for?
in viscous times.