Viscous 11-11

[tectak]

Viscous

 
 
The world was sickening, when
duty called for giant men
knowing blood was thinner than slaughter
 
to ensure its thickening, by
evaporating into sky,
or dissolving into water.
 
It's harder to remember
in viscous times.

Hi tiger,
this is languishing and I know why.. To be brutally honest it is beyond critique . If one takes any couplet, stanza or even phrase the "sense" of it is completely absent. Why was the world sickening? You do not say.  Duty is another word for obligation so it "calls on" not "calls for". Who are the giant men? You never mention them again. What on earth is thick or thin slaughter?...except that  the word avoids a cliche....but oh how clumsily . You may as well have used "daughter" instead of "slaughter" for all the  sense it transmits.
Then  suddenly we are mixing wallpaper paste.

No to this. It is not as if the core metaphor is in place. You really MUST  try to clarify your work by  realising that the contents of your head are only interesting to others if you  SHOW what you are trying to say. Simply slapping random pop-up words and thoughts on to a page just doesn't poetry make.. Before you contra me, be aware that there ARE genres in the "world of  poetry" (sic by somebody) which permits for free-thought prose BUT even then there is a deliberation, a purpose, a point. Here, I can only deduce that YOU are struggling to find something to say as much or more than the reader is trying (or obviously not) to understand  what the hell.it is about. It's not wallpapering, is it?
Never give up,
Best,
tectak