11-18-2014, 03:40 PM
Thank you for your feedback ellajam. A vocabulary refinement and a better context of the incredible love.
(11-16-2014, 08:51 PM)ellajam Wrote: Hi, PB, welcome and thanks for the feedback you've left for others, it is appreciated.![]()
First, "alas" seems to me to be misused, it is a woeful word and seems out of place after the promise of something wonderful. I think the poem would be more effective if you provided even one specific image of motherlove and how it impacts the world rather than repeatedly telling me it does.
Good luck with it, hope you enjoy the site.![]()
(11-16-2014, 07:42 PM)Pious Baloney Wrote: Comments from all quarters welcome...good bad and ugly. Thanks in advance.
I WITNESS INCREDIBLE LOVE
I see something in the distance that is beautiful.
I hear something out yonder that is wonderful.
What is it that I see and hear?
Alas...a mother and her children.
But how can I see it so far away?
Because the image is so vivid and clear.
But how can I hear it across the miles?
Because the sound is so very clean and pure.
No force on Earth prevents a mother from loving her children so passionately.
They are forever blessed for it.
No energy is stronger than a love received by a mother from her children.
Her soul is eternally replenished by it.
I challenge the world to bring me something good.
For I will counter with something great...an innocent child's spontaneous laughter.
I welcome the world to bring me something strong.
And I will deliver something powerful...a mother vowing her love for her child.
That something I see and hear out there is impregnably special.
Indeed it is beautiful.
Indeed it is wonderful.
And I am forever privileged to bear witness to that.

