11-18-2014, 10:38 AM
This is obviously some type of sonnet, not one with which I am familiar, although it is close to a Petrarchan, except the ending rhyme sequence. The Iambic pentameter seems solid.
I assume "longs" is some kind of store (although I have never heard of it), should it not be capitalized?
The following sentence seems to make little sense to me.
"Seen every day, the signal was bereft."
Shouldn't the reader be told of what it is bereft? I.e., the signal was bereft of sound. There is after all a period after bereft.
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From L4 to L8 I have little idea of what you are saying. I understand you are talking about the crucifix, but to say that it "...rose like a scent from Yankee candlesticks." carries little meaning for me.
I am assuming the line break between L8 and L9 is to support the move from the bathroom from the bathroom to the train?
L10 after "train, a comma not a period.
L11 I'm not sure how "phatic" makes much sense used with din of silence. I'm not saying it is wrong, I'm just saying I don't understand the usage.
"Because I could not see his resting chin." I have no idea. I know this is in " Poetry For Fun ", but if this is funny, I really don't get it. Of course if you have to explain the joke it kind of ruins it, but I would be interested to know what it is I am missing.
Oh, yeah.Too many questions
dale
I assume "longs" is some kind of store (although I have never heard of it), should it not be capitalized?
The following sentence seems to make little sense to me.
"Seen every day, the signal was bereft."
Shouldn't the reader be told of what it is bereft? I.e., the signal was bereft of sound. There is after all a period after bereft.
_____________________________________________________________________
From L4 to L8 I have little idea of what you are saying. I understand you are talking about the crucifix, but to say that it "...rose like a scent from Yankee candlesticks." carries little meaning for me.
I am assuming the line break between L8 and L9 is to support the move from the bathroom from the bathroom to the train?
L10 after "train, a comma not a period.
L11 I'm not sure how "phatic" makes much sense used with din of silence. I'm not saying it is wrong, I'm just saying I don't understand the usage.
"Because I could not see his resting chin." I have no idea. I know this is in " Poetry For Fun ", but if this is funny, I really don't get it. Of course if you have to explain the joke it kind of ruins it, but I would be interested to know what it is I am missing.
Oh, yeah.Too many questions
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.