11-15-2014, 05:56 PM
i concur about the meter, just a slight tweak as explained will make read much better.
it doesn't have problems as such, as a child's ditty it works well (when the meter's fixed) perhaps you could flesh it out with a couple more verse. what's really good and in someways exceptional about it, is that you aimed for something. you have the rhyme and almost the meter and it's coherent. the last two lines are quite clever, and tie in perfectly to to the title.
what also took some time and thought was how you tried to alternate the meter from 5 feet to 4.
a plus for effort
it doesn't have problems as such, as a child's ditty it works well (when the meter's fixed) perhaps you could flesh it out with a couple more verse. what's really good and in someways exceptional about it, is that you aimed for something. you have the rhyme and almost the meter and it's coherent. the last two lines are quite clever, and tie in perfectly to to the title.
what also took some time and thought was how you tried to alternate the meter from 5 feet to 4.
a plus for effort
(11-15-2014, 07:19 AM)paranoid marvin Wrote: Hi, this is a poem I wrote a while ago (with a couple of slight alterations). Any opinions or pointers would be most welcome.
Getting The Drop
The Sheriff at last had succeeded
In catching the Man in the Hood
The trial was a foregone conclusion
Now Nottingham wanted his blood
But Robin was no common villain
A fellow who never lost hope
The outlaw once more found a loophole
But this time at the end of a rope