Servitude

[bena]

I'm not sure what you are trying to accomplish with the format here. Is it to draw what is really a short thought? I found it a bit distracting as a device. I do like the language of the poem itself, but you know I have to point out that the theme has been done and redone. and then vomited up to be served again. I'm not certain about the word "churn" as a sexualized verb. It only makes me think of butter, and I don't think it serves a good purpose when you follow it with such as strong term as "fucked." The last 6 lines (or last sentence) of the piece are are concrete solid and bold. This is strong writing.

cheers,

mel