Blind Edit 1.01ray

[tectak]

Edit 1.01

In gloss of pearl the petalled wrap keeps secrets that an innovative way to describe a flower
which the bees alone see as their own. The tulip opens wide not a huge fan of 'that which?'. I see 'alone' as superfluous and only there to maintain the meter. But if omitted, this line's meter will be left in tatters. You make the call
to winds of March, that blast and blow the bloom to doom. "The internal rhyme is strong with this one." -Yoda
Black is the flower.

Up high and rare, the soundless air  carries light from suns in  time. 'in time' is axiomatic. Anyone who passed 4th grade knows it takes light time to travel
No sight outlooks the gleaming globes, for space the ink of depth belies; best line in the poem imo. i too am an advocate of the inky suggestion
the years are blanked in distant robes, folded in to shaded shawls. read this line with 'and' after robes and consider that metrically
Black is the sky.

A man may stand and cry at death, when sparks of life he watches fade;
no deeper grave, no silent tomb, no prison sealed against the day
can make a soul  so dark  despair save for the empty sightless stare. comma after despair?
Black is blind.

tectak
2014.

I really liked this poem! I'll definitely be back for a re-read. I think you'll nail it on Edit 1.02.

coy - your friendly time traveller -
3005.

This is considered crit and I thank you for it. Your S1 L1 comments are received and understood. Whilst I in no way disagree with the analysis I hang my hat on the quintessence of poetry. Internal rhyme brings out the worst in me...that is to say I defend it whilst not necessarily agreeing with its use. Victim of pedantry, you see.
On physics...well, poetic license. Air, vacuum, light...same speed (almost). It is sound that suffers. No air...no sound. It is not a speed thing, it is attenuation. Thin air, attenuated sound.  As far as light is concerned, we look beyond the "glowing globes"as if viewing old movies. Moon? Just over a second ago. Sun? Eight minutes ago? Nearest galaxy?Twenty five  thousand years ago.
How blind are we all?
Best,
tectak