11-10-2014, 06:03 AM
I like that the title is ambiguous in that the comfort zone could be the subject of a lunch time rest or the narrators place just sitting and watching rather than forcing himself/herself to talk to her,
I thought the detail in S1 was well balanced it draws the reader in and places us having to look at the image, I even tried to do my own crooked smile.
In S2 the leaf tells us where we are and immediately puts us watching from an opposing park bench, IMO the egg salad doesn't work well with falling leaves....maybe hot soup, flask..your poem. L2 needs to work harder in such a short piece I'm sure you could improve it perhaps show some detail about the person eating lunch. I really like the detail of the leaf and for me the autumn theme is backed by S3 which is a great image and close in that there is a sense of a shy idea that will do nothing about it. I really enjoyed this one WJames. Best Keith
I thought the detail in S1 was well balanced it draws the reader in and places us having to look at the image, I even tried to do my own crooked smile.
In S2 the leaf tells us where we are and immediately puts us watching from an opposing park bench, IMO the egg salad doesn't work well with falling leaves....maybe hot soup, flask..your poem. L2 needs to work harder in such a short piece I'm sure you could improve it perhaps show some detail about the person eating lunch. I really like the detail of the leaf and for me the autumn theme is backed by S3 which is a great image and close in that there is a sense of a shy idea that will do nothing about it. I really enjoyed this one WJames. Best Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out