11-10-2014, 03:46 AM
Hi W,
I like the questions this poem brings up and leaves unanswered. Although I'm left not knowing who she is (a runaway teen? truant schoolgirl? exhausted businesswoman?) as a reader I am comfortable with that, and can imagine who I want on each read.
The enjambment of L2 didn't sit well with me. I see what you're trying to do, but at least to me "crooked" reads different alone ("crookt") than when paired with painting ("crookid") and I had to go back and reread to correct myself. I'm not sure the payoff (slight in itself) is worth that.
L2 S2 should be "day's business".
Anyway lovely vignette. Sweet, unencumbered, and complete.
-jc
I like the questions this poem brings up and leaves unanswered. Although I'm left not knowing who she is (a runaway teen? truant schoolgirl? exhausted businesswoman?) as a reader I am comfortable with that, and can imagine who I want on each read.
The enjambment of L2 didn't sit well with me. I see what you're trying to do, but at least to me "crooked" reads different alone ("crookt") than when paired with painting ("crookid") and I had to go back and reread to correct myself. I'm not sure the payoff (slight in itself) is worth that.
L2 S2 should be "day's business".
Anyway lovely vignette. Sweet, unencumbered, and complete.
-jc
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.