11-07-2014, 07:36 AM
I like the conciseness of this and I agree with Billy about dropping the 'on a' it would read so much better.
I was thinking that you could possibly have the last line just as -
bang
- it would help to make it even more concise. It's up to you whether you think it works or not.
A friend once told me that in China when they had a huge starling problem they had people with drums congregate in the squares where there were thousands of starlings and they would beat the drums constantly. They worked out that starlings have such rapid heartbeats that they only fly short distances then land and rest. As they were unable to land because the noise of the drums scared them then their hearts couldn't take the strain and they literally all died of heart attacks. An unusually novel and somewhat twisted method of pest control.
Thanks for sharing your haiku,
Mark
I was thinking that you could possibly have the last line just as -
bang
- it would help to make it even more concise. It's up to you whether you think it works or not.
A friend once told me that in China when they had a huge starling problem they had people with drums congregate in the squares where there were thousands of starlings and they would beat the drums constantly. They worked out that starlings have such rapid heartbeats that they only fly short distances then land and rest. As they were unable to land because the noise of the drums scared them then their hearts couldn't take the strain and they literally all died of heart attacks. An unusually novel and somewhat twisted method of pest control.
Thanks for sharing your haiku,
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie