11-06-2014, 06:43 PM
(10-15-2014, 08:53 AM)oceanwanderer20 Wrote: But dawn breaks and darkness howls.
She fears losing her companion
But whispers tell her to stay. Better than the original, but... how can darkness howl and whisper at the same time?
Love whispers in her ear
I'm here. You are attempting a good solution here, the ryme doesn't even feel forced, but two "whispers" in two subsequent lines sound very disturbing
Darkness slips away.
Thistles.

