Missing

[billy]

try and weed out words that don't add anything and try to escape from using cliche till you can use them wisely.
in truth a lot of the poem tells/shows us nothing new and the poem is too wordy.

Last night I fell asleep cliche/mundane for an opening line
trying to breathe you in but no need for but
it was almost as if I were
suffocating, because I couldn't
get enough of your scent into my lungs,
my lungs they ache as I
try to take deep
breaths so I don't die of missing you,
missing,
missing air,
missing oxygen to breathe you in.