In The Japanese Garden
#12
(11-03-2014, 11:52 AM)spacecoaster Wrote:  I have taken into consideration all the wonderful suggestions and I thank you all greatly. This is the revised poem. I am game for criticism on the revised version as well.
Japanese Garden (first revision)
Bow-shaped bridge
red pebble path
water reflects
ripples dance
couples unite
aubergine and lime
Moist moss under foot
Bamboo shadows keeping time
Maples delicate branches thick
Lilies strong as rocks surround
Japanese garden
Yes. Leave it alone. Only nit is the apparently inconsistent line capitalising. Am I missing something?
A fine piece of Willow Pattern.
Best,
tectak
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Messages In This Thread
In The Japanese Garden - by spacecoaster - 10-28-2014, 12:55 AM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by tectak - 10-28-2014, 01:19 AM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by SimikPK - 10-28-2014, 02:23 AM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by spacecoaster - 10-28-2014, 12:29 PM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by just mercedes - 10-28-2014, 02:16 PM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by simmon - 10-28-2014, 02:39 PM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by rayheinrich - 10-28-2014, 03:18 PM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by superfluid - 11-01-2014, 04:03 AM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by Heyyous - 11-02-2014, 05:37 AM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by sharpietheysay - 11-03-2014, 08:18 AM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by spacecoaster - 11-03-2014, 11:52 AM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by tectak - 11-03-2014, 04:36 PM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by SimikPK - 11-03-2014, 05:25 PM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by spacecoaster - 11-04-2014, 11:13 AM
RE: In The Japanese Garden - by SimikPK - 11-05-2014, 02:14 AM



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