11-03-2014, 08:18 AM
I thoroughly enjoyed this poem--my favorite aspect of it being its simplicity. So many poets stuff their poems with unnecessary words, hoping that is what will make their poem come alive. But just as this experience in the garden has an uncomplicated serenity, so does your poem.
I will say though that you sort of lose it with "enchanting sight". We are hit with all these specific images, like that of the bridge and the bamboo, and then comes this line that is far too generic for this poem. Maybe bring in another image for us? Maybe about the sky? The wind? Something that brings us closer to being in this garden with the speaker.
I will say though that you sort of lose it with "enchanting sight". We are hit with all these specific images, like that of the bridge and the bamboo, and then comes this line that is far too generic for this poem. Maybe bring in another image for us? Maybe about the sky? The wind? Something that brings us closer to being in this garden with the speaker.