11-02-2014, 01:11 AM
Hey Heyous. I think for most of us, thoughtful insight into someone else's work is much harder to write than our own poetry. You will benefit from taking that leap if you choose to. I can't tell you how much I've learned here by taking that leap. - Delicate olive branch below...
(11-01-2014, 10:59 PM)Heyyous Wrote: Hello every, I very much like the idea of giving feedback but cannot give any valuable feedback without first getting a feeling for were my own writings currently stand. So with that said I would like to share with you one of my first peoms, It is not the first one I wrote but I feel I conveyed the idea well, However I feel better words could have been used... So please don't hold back because I hate the idea of wasting my time writing poorly.
Hollow - rather cliche, especially for your title, not the end of the world though
These words have no meaning -then why should the reader continue?
Such emotion cannot be contained within the reading -I try to avoid the word "such" - almost always weak
No matter what I choose to write
The birth of my ideas possible to be viewed like the night -I don't understand this line - could be me
Without the proper perception
These words are hollow without intention -I can read the last lines a dozen different ways. Some thoughtful punctuation might help steer the reader.
Good luck,
Paul