In The Japanese Garden

In The Japanese Garden

superfluid
Unregistered

11-01-2014, 04:03 AM

Very good imagery. I really like the rhythm. Almost feels like water dripping when I read it. I agree with what other's have posted regarding the last line. To me the final rhyme feels forced. I would end it more organically and not worry about a punchline.

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Messages In This Thread

In The Japanese Garden - by spacecoaster - 10-28-2014, 12:55 AM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by tectak - 10-28-2014, 01:19 AM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by SimikPK - 10-28-2014, 02:23 AM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by spacecoaster - 10-28-2014, 12:29 PM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by just mercedes - 10-28-2014, 02:16 PM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by simmon - 10-28-2014, 02:39 PM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by rayheinrich - 10-28-2014, 03:18 PM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by superfluid - 11-01-2014, 04:03 AM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by Heyyous - 11-02-2014, 05:37 AM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by sharpietheysay - 11-03-2014, 08:18 AM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by spacecoaster - 11-03-2014, 11:52 AM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by tectak - 11-03-2014, 04:36 PM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by SimikPK - 11-03-2014, 05:25 PM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by spacecoaster - 11-04-2014, 11:13 AM

RE: In The Japanese Garden - by SimikPK - 11-05-2014, 02:14 AM

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