In The Japanese Garden

[just mercedes]

Hi and welcome to the pen! Your poem has great imagery, so I'm hearing the water, seeing the scene with you. It's very Zen-like. I found a couple of things that bothered me - I don't like the caps at the start of each line, and either the title could do more work, or the last line could change.



In The Japanese Garden

Bow-shaped bridge
Red pebble path
Water reflects
Ripples dance
Enchanting sight A false note for me - I want another concrete image, not an abstract emotion
As water flows
Couples unite
Aubergine and lime I like the way you suggest that aubergine and lime are partners
Moss, bamboo and fern
Maples delicate
Branches thick This inversion bothers me - maybe one line, but both?
Lilies strong as rocks surround I love this simile
[In] the Japanese garden [we are found] are these needed? or just '...surround / us'

Thanks for posting this, I had a peaceful interlude in the gardens.