In Autumn, 11:30 P.M.

[StanleyZ]

Every step's a pitter-patter,
merging with the crickets chatter.
Water sighs its murmured hymn,
surrounding stones always give in.
I trek above the vales high
and smile at an orange sky,
where afterglow has left its mark;
it pleads the world to stray from dark.
And this is when I make my stop,
to watch night eat the afterglow;
the singing from the crickets stops,
as night engulfs her victim, slow.
*/ thinking about changing the word "surrounding" in the last line of the first stanza to "eroding" if image comes across nebulous. /*

I think surrounding sounds better. Alliteration is always better in my opinion. So what I gather from this is that the speaker is walking through a valley near a river as the sun is setting. The title doesn't make sense to me given this imagery. I mean it's almost midnight, how can there be any afterglow in the sky? The victim the night is consuming has long been victimized. Maybe change the time frame of the title? Other than that the imagery is nice, but it is missing something important. I can't say what exactly, but your rhymed stanzas don't do anything in the "less is more" category". All I am getting is a bit of appreciation for nature, but where is the symbolism? What makes this small event so big for the speaker, other than inspiration for a few hastily written rhymes?