10-20-2014, 09:30 PM
The concept is nice, but as already said it's not saying much that hasn't been said before. You have a good sense of style, however, and if you apply that in a more unique way, you could have a very strong poem. Try using different imagery, perhaps, and maybe look at the same idea in a new way?


![[Image: de77k1.jpg]](http://i60.tinypic.com/de77k1.jpg)