10-20-2014, 03:26 AM
Thank you all for your replies. I just wanted to reply to some of you comments. I do know it's not up to me to direct what the viewer should take from the piece but in the name of progress, here we go.
First off the poem is literally about the onset of winter, this is why the title is as it is.
"She stand defiant, her beauty". The 'she' here, I am simply talking about a flower/plant and endowing the attributes of femininity onto it in a kind of reverse poetic role. And the 'he' I'm simply talking about winter. Here by assigning male/female roles, I hoped to add a 'battle of defiance' feel to the piece, as the female heroine stands up to her dominant male pursuer.
"her beauty, jarring against the impending grey." What I mean by beauty is the colours of the flower. By impending I hope to re-enforce a process of time implied by the "onset" in the title.
"The mood, desaturated, his presence, viscous, inevitable." Crow you're correct, this is fragmented, I will have to take a look at this.
But also in this line you mention "viscous, inevitable". What I meant here was, the onset of winter is slow, almost gloopy and tangable as it creeps in around you. As for inevitable, well as it says we can't stop it. Again this is all just re-enforcing the process of time taking place.
Crow, your next point about mood, I get where you're coming from.
Next, "he cedes" this is a bit of a stretch but this was about, you know when you get one of those good days, late autumn, early winter and it's a welcomed break from the gloom, well that's what I was thinking there.
The next part is when the winter comes back with a vengeance and seems to decimate everything. Yes, but vanilla and crow I do agree thiscould use some reworking.
owl: to address your critique, The sudden change to the amount affected by winter was simply to give a human part in the story. The innocent souls simply being young children who come across the last moments of the prolonged scene as the flower finally gives in and falls. Crow: The death of a flower part is simply mimicking what people might say " aww look! The flowers are dead.
Anyway again thank you all for the comments, I hope this sheds light on my thought process.
First off the poem is literally about the onset of winter, this is why the title is as it is.
"She stand defiant, her beauty". The 'she' here, I am simply talking about a flower/plant and endowing the attributes of femininity onto it in a kind of reverse poetic role. And the 'he' I'm simply talking about winter. Here by assigning male/female roles, I hoped to add a 'battle of defiance' feel to the piece, as the female heroine stands up to her dominant male pursuer.
"her beauty, jarring against the impending grey." What I mean by beauty is the colours of the flower. By impending I hope to re-enforce a process of time implied by the "onset" in the title.
"The mood, desaturated, his presence, viscous, inevitable." Crow you're correct, this is fragmented, I will have to take a look at this.
But also in this line you mention "viscous, inevitable". What I meant here was, the onset of winter is slow, almost gloopy and tangable as it creeps in around you. As for inevitable, well as it says we can't stop it. Again this is all just re-enforcing the process of time taking place.
Crow, your next point about mood, I get where you're coming from.
Next, "he cedes" this is a bit of a stretch but this was about, you know when you get one of those good days, late autumn, early winter and it's a welcomed break from the gloom, well that's what I was thinking there.
The next part is when the winter comes back with a vengeance and seems to decimate everything. Yes, but vanilla and crow I do agree thiscould use some reworking.
owl: to address your critique, The sudden change to the amount affected by winter was simply to give a human part in the story. The innocent souls simply being young children who come across the last moments of the prolonged scene as the flower finally gives in and falls. Crow: The death of a flower part is simply mimicking what people might say " aww look! The flowers are dead.
Anyway again thank you all for the comments, I hope this sheds light on my thought process.