The Onset of Winter

[Owl]

She stands, defiant, her beauty, jarring against the impending grey.
The mood, desaturated, his presence, viscous, inevitable.  
She shivers, a moment of weakness;
He cedes, then violently his vast being rages,
ripping at her flesh
as innocent souls,
huddle against the cold onset of winter
and watch the death of a flower.

The winter ("He") is ripping at "her" flesh, and then the poem switches to many being affected by the winter...? I feel like there is something a bit awkward about that, as if there's a missing line between L5 and L6. Is there some sort of hidden symbolism behind your choice of sudden transition? If not, than you may need to revise.
I'm not very experienced within punctuation, so you can completely ignore this part of my crit if you'd like, but I find the amount of commas within this poem to be a little too choppy. There also seems to be a very long run-on sentence between L3-L8. I'm not sure if that's proper punctuation for this type of poetry, but I'd suggest looking into it further or asking a more reliable crit/member to comment on this element of your poem.
Also I really like the very last line, the imagery is quite nice-- I can imagine the huddled innocent souls watching the a single flower slowly die as the winter's wrath comes closer. How grim!