The Sea of Truths

[b.abraham]

I really enjoyed reading this. Some of it really resonated with me and some of my experiences. Whatever you do, don't touch "she insisted she'd be fine." That being said, there are a few lines I might have a second look at.

This is the first poem I have written in a while, let me know what you think! Don't hold back on the criticism.

Sea of Truths
The girl was set adrift
upon the sea of truths
in a boat that she had built
of dreams and simple youth. "built on dreams" is certainly a more common expression. I'd also take a nice strong "n" sound over "of" any day.

She insisted she'd be fine
as she raised her scarlet sail. "and raised her scarlet sail" is more active and engaging.
It would be okay in time,
all she needed was a gale.

She remained unaware
of the storm that had begun.
She didn't say a prayer,
never did she try to run

The waters were rough, they "the waters, they were rough," avoids the awkward end to the line
grabbed her skin, pulled her hair.
They told her scary things, "things" can always be more specific
of which she had been unaware.

She insisted she was fine
as the sea took in her ship.
The water looked benign,
But the sail began to rip.

Yet her voice stayed strong.
And she shouted for some help
But she then heard the song
Of the voices in the kelp. This stanza reads a bit clunky, I would have a second look at it.

Nothing drowned the sounds
of the sirens in the distance.
They whispered tempting things,
She lost all her resistance.

She took a breath of air
And it would be her last.
Water caressed her hair,
touched dead hands of the past

The waves tossed golden curls
lulling her to sleep.
They filled her eyes with pearls,

And she sank into the deep.

Other than that, just scan your lines again. I'm not usually a big fan of rhyming but I think it could work here. I look forward to seeing more![/b]