Prey

[Owl]

Owl wrote:
"I pondered on the idea that it might be a bit problematic because you aren't initially addressing what point of view this poem is supposed to be read from, but the occasional variety of POV's here actually works, because it doesn't necessarily distract the reader from the main events taking place."

I disagree. I found the strobing POV in S1 to be intensely distracting.

L2's imperative verb implies a "you," but suddenly on the next line, an "I" takes over. I'm guessing there's an error there

Additionally, the poem doesn't start at S1, but rather at the title, "The Tide." I found it awfully jarring to jump from an image of the sea to an image of a wolf . . .

Macro question--this is a poem about meth addiction, right?

---

Alright, Owl, you got me caught up in this hahaha I'll go ahead and give it a macro  

Macro.

Critical Issue #1: The metaphor.

Word Weaver went to great lengths to develop a sense-making interpretation. But it doesn't hold up bc, as was correctly noted, it can't account for the claws.

Bottom line: you overworked your central metaphor instead of abandoning it because its easier to talk about the violence and cruelty of wolves than the violence and cruelty of the events of your life.

But the pathos of your story is the story itself, not the clothing you put on it. I'd 1000% rather read a poem about your real life than one about a pack of bizarrely aggressive wolves. Not only that, I *want* to read that poem. Very badly, in fact. So go write it!

Critical Issue #2: lines that don't make sense.

There are only four lines that make total sense: 1, 3, 10, and 17. The rest we have to guess at their meaning. The most perplexing is: "Slick hides sever sweet escape." I can't picture a hide either severing something or preventing an escape.

Critical Issue #3: The poem is merely descriptive.

Here's the narrative you've got. In S1, the speaker, who might it might not've been eaten, becomes enthralled by an abyss. In S2, the speaker can't get free and enters a trap. In S3, wolves maliciously enter the speaker's body. Finally, in S4 a pack of wolves moves in for the kill.

In other words, the poem functions only to describe the wolves. The same event occurs in each stanza: wolves cause harm.

This is a problem bc there's no dilemma, and hence no plot.

The simplest solution to this is to have the narrator fighting for his life. As written, it seems like that's what's happening, but it isn't. There are no instances where the narrator resists.

Hahaha well I'm glad I did! Your crit really got me thinking and further allowed me to reason whether or not this poem's spectrum of elements are workable or not.

In attempts to better understand your crit, I reconsidered my own initial opinion on the POV within S1, and I have to say... I think you're right. With the lack of diversity within the poem's active character line-up, the scattered POV makes me hesitant about how much it actually affects the poem as a whole, which saddens me because I originally grew to like the direction this poem was going in...

I also didn't consider the implications that L2's imperative verb set upon the "you" and "I" issue. Your point is completely valid. This actually furthers my nervousness about how nearly all the verb usages might need some cleaning up. Correctly applying POVs becomes even more important, again, when you're working with such a limited amount of main-figures... Which I failed to mention/realize in my original crit.

And yes. The title, I couldn't decipher whether it'd be taking too much away from the poet's direction if I were to strongly suggest a complete change, but it's true... When I first clicked on this thread I didn't expect a poem about wolves and their attack on prey. At all.
Overall, it's likely not to the poem's benefit to keep the title as is.

Now, I do agree that the central metaphor was overworked, but isn't the idea of a metaphor to mask potentially (personal) sensitive topics with symbolic junctions that aren't necessarily literal? The plot here *is* the dilemma, and the deeper meanings (which I mentioned may involve some sort of demonic oppression or possession) associated with said problem.
Note: the victim is relinquishing its life willingly, "[taking] the bait", which also connects to some sort of unsaid oath, therefore any resistance would make the prey develop a sense of disloyalty or self-betrayal to the reader.
The OP may have been trying to strive for a slow progression of a very focused event, which may not even be symbolic for neither what I said, nor what you said.
There is also the chance that there is no hidden meaning behind the poem, and that the OP simply wanted to create a scene that had just so happened to have no connection to their immediate or non-immediate personal life events at all.

The poem's mysterious diction is intriguing, and although the ideas might be overplayed (and frankly, just a bit cliche... I mean, predator vs. prey is a pretty common topic to base a poem on), there's still a place for poems like this.
And I hope this doesn't come off as rude to the OP, but the amount of work this poem needs in order for it to be at it's optimal level is high, so I suggest really reconsidering your ideas here.

Mainly to OP:

Does it seem like the crit's so far are pretty accurate on what the symbolism is suppose to imply? Do you feel that your main focus is far too masked by the errors that lie within this poem? Do you fear that the prevalent overplaying of the events taking place is hindering this poem's effectiveness?

Ask yourself these questions and continue to reread/analyze your poem until you find the answers.

Back to crow: Now then, I suppose I should go start my write up on "restless" now