10-10-2014, 03:43 PM
Devoured by wolves, - I agree with Ben, this is very dramatic .The black and white predatory whales, orcas are known as the “ wolves” of the sea, because they hunt in groups like wolf packs.
suffer their hollow call. - the observer feels the muffled pain resonating plea of the prey
I am pulled under, - the prey being pulled under
the terrible deep enthralls. – the observer is fascinated by the drama of the deep
A tide of jaws, -the rush of mouths
stills the marrow. – subdues the observer's heart, like in suspense
Slick hides sever sweet escape.
I burn to breath, - breathe/ the prey dives deep into the depths to try and escape, but soon needs air to breathe
a jagged pill promise.- great metaphor here! Jagged=are the predators teeth awaiting, pill= the air needed from drowning..very graphic for me
I take the bait. – alas! The prey succumbs
Starving teeth shatter oaths,
mercilessly hacked into bone.
The wolves they crawl within,
with claws they burrow parasitic, - I stumbled with the “claws” here. Did you mean tears from cuts?
under tortured skin. – again, very graphic, great metaphors, this is the feeding attack
Steeled for the kill,
the pack closes in. – seals the fate of the prey
Savages howling for a laugh, - this evokes an image of gloating brutes, orcas are known to toss and play with their meal
ensnaring sinful wings, - an image of entangling dorsal fins as in a feeding frenzy
razor back hackles pierce the heart.- from the onset, I have assumed the prey was a seal or a sea lion in my mind, only to discover, at the very end, it to be a WHALE! a rorqual or fin whale are called razor backs, and the hackles”fear” of one, is heartbreaking to watch. Great ending!
Hi,
I truly enjoyed figuring out your poem and was captivated by your choice of metaphors..very intense.
It drew me, although, I must admit to have been misled at first, my very first thought was about a gang rape, lol, well, close a pod attack would seem like one.
Had to re read it a few times, also to realized you are talking in two persons, as the prey and the observer.
Your title was a great clue to direct me, as a TIDE could mean "repetitive, powerful, and inescapable" and conflicts ebb and flow just as tides do
Very fascinating, read! To quote you, the “terrible deep” indeed, enthralls!
Intrigued by this read and was inspired to watch KILLER WHALES vs. FIN WHALE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWxFbOrGEPE
suffer their hollow call. - the observer feels the muffled pain resonating plea of the prey
I am pulled under, - the prey being pulled under
the terrible deep enthralls. – the observer is fascinated by the drama of the deep
A tide of jaws, -the rush of mouths
stills the marrow. – subdues the observer's heart, like in suspense
Slick hides sever sweet escape.
I burn to breath, - breathe/ the prey dives deep into the depths to try and escape, but soon needs air to breathe
a jagged pill promise.- great metaphor here! Jagged=are the predators teeth awaiting, pill= the air needed from drowning..very graphic for me
I take the bait. – alas! The prey succumbs
Starving teeth shatter oaths,
mercilessly hacked into bone.
The wolves they crawl within,
with claws they burrow parasitic, - I stumbled with the “claws” here. Did you mean tears from cuts?
under tortured skin. – again, very graphic, great metaphors, this is the feeding attack
Steeled for the kill,
the pack closes in. – seals the fate of the prey
Savages howling for a laugh, - this evokes an image of gloating brutes, orcas are known to toss and play with their meal
ensnaring sinful wings, - an image of entangling dorsal fins as in a feeding frenzy
razor back hackles pierce the heart.- from the onset, I have assumed the prey was a seal or a sea lion in my mind, only to discover, at the very end, it to be a WHALE! a rorqual or fin whale are called razor backs, and the hackles”fear” of one, is heartbreaking to watch. Great ending!
Hi,
I truly enjoyed figuring out your poem and was captivated by your choice of metaphors..very intense.
It drew me, although, I must admit to have been misled at first, my very first thought was about a gang rape, lol, well, close a pod attack would seem like one.
Had to re read it a few times, also to realized you are talking in two persons, as the prey and the observer.
Your title was a great clue to direct me, as a TIDE could mean "repetitive, powerful, and inescapable" and conflicts ebb and flow just as tides do
Very fascinating, read! To quote you, the “terrible deep” indeed, enthralls!
Intrigued by this read and was inspired to watch KILLER WHALES vs. FIN WHALE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWxFbOrGEPE