10-08-2014, 07:34 AM
This seems to lack the cohesiveness that is generally in your writing, but if one reads this as two people speaking, by alternating each line it seems more cohesive.
person won
I'm bad
and I want to be good.
I don't use faggoty words like 'curtail'; .....................................(I think on your made up word I would spell it "faggity". Of course that may simple be a providential pronunciation of my area.)
What was that someone said about indifference to your hearers. (readers?)
person tube
because the orgasm of the world is death, (I'm thinking "the orgasm of humanity is death". )
No vicious envy curtails my pride,
only a master reader could be as slavish as that.
I'm not saying it is meant to be read that way, it just leads to more comprehension at certain places. I know that comprehension is the least of your priorities
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rowens,
Fragmenting the poem seems more cohesive. I think I would change the title to "mashed".
Of course you won't regard any of this, but it might benefit some novice, so they do not go down the dark and evil path as you have done.
Most people do not have the constitution for it (Whatever happened to Virginia Woolf? Such a panhandler, hey mack do you have Three Guineas to spare?). Still, all in all she was a beautiful person, and insane women are always more interesting in the sack (of course the same is true about insane men, or so I've been told). One mustn't get too attached because they will eventually kill themselves. I think the ethic would be, "let the good times roll, until they drown." Then again no one ever respond to unsolicited advice.
dale
person won
I'm bad
and I want to be good.
I don't use faggoty words like 'curtail'; .....................................(I think on your made up word I would spell it "faggity". Of course that may simple be a providential pronunciation of my area.)
What was that someone said about indifference to your hearers. (readers?)
person tube
because the orgasm of the world is death, (I'm thinking "the orgasm of humanity is death". )
No vicious envy curtails my pride,
only a master reader could be as slavish as that.
I'm not saying it is meant to be read that way, it just leads to more comprehension at certain places. I know that comprehension is the least of your priorities
_______________________________________________________________________________
rowens,
Fragmenting the poem seems more cohesive. I think I would change the title to "mashed".
Of course you won't regard any of this, but it might benefit some novice, so they do not go down the dark and evil path as you have done.
Most people do not have the constitution for it (Whatever happened to Virginia Woolf? Such a panhandler, hey mack do you have Three Guineas to spare?). Still, all in all she was a beautiful person, and insane women are always more interesting in the sack (of course the same is true about insane men, or so I've been told). One mustn't get too attached because they will eventually kill themselves. I think the ethic would be, "let the good times roll, until they drown." Then again no one ever respond to unsolicited advice.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.