Well, hello.

[billy]

don't blame us for your laptop's misbehavior.

don't forget to eave some feedback in the three main forums

the poems. two at a time is greedy but i'll go with the flow.
i enjoyed the latter poem most of all that said both work pretty well, the originality is evident and make the poems better than average. the first extended metaphor for sex poem felt okay and not too over the top (or cliche)

the 2nd was down to earth and the narrative reminiscent of english pubs before the eateries took them over, i realize this is based on a yank bar (excuse the pun) because of the Marlboroughs, so it places the poem well. i wasn't keen on the formatting near the end of the 2nd poem, it didn't add anything for me

I tried introducing myself 3 times. The laptop said no.

Fuck it.

PM me if you want to know who I am.

Here are 2 poems for your consideration.



Weather Poem

The sweat on my lip
brings this barometric memory we don't know what this is. a suggest would be [a]
of heat and flesh
to the forefront.

Two fronts, two fronts indeed, how about to the fore on the line above to lose the doubling up of front/s
a Summer monsoon
where pale lightning plays
through reefs of golden cloud
circling an alabaster cliff a suggest would be to move this to the 2nd lin of the stanza as it reads a little awkward here.
humming like live wires
with soft and hard design
with rain and sea spray.

The curve of your back
is a horizon. is [is] needed? or would an horizon suffice
The lines carved on your chest
are highways and slipstreams
above which gulls wing and wheel
below which mysteries are concealed. i like the sound of ceal and wheel here.

And I sigh like thunder
to the softness of your storm
and I sigh like thunder,
to your silver screen embrace
I sigh like thunder. i like the double up here, it extends the moment
I sigh like thunder.


Spleen
Empty glasses sit like soldiers at attention.
8 wide, 10 thick;
ranks for drunks. a decent original opening

The business of boredom
beats the barmaids and patrons
into service, is a comma needed?
or subservience.

We are watched over
by flickering eyes
which could
stop
staring
at any moment.

Loneliness is a half-pint.

I'm glad my glass is full.

I'm glad the barmaid wears checks on her stockings. i like this image and the thought evoked.

I'm glad the barmaid reads.

I'm glad the economy is fucked,
so economists have something to make them feel interesting.

I'm glad the lesbians found feminism;
instead of Jesus.

I'm glad for the sad eyed, gray haired drunks
that live off Marlboro Red's and dream-fumes.

I'm glad the roof is stained with memories:
postcards
sketches
photographs
an old box of pills.

And I love you because you're a cocksucker. i think this line wraps the poem up really well. it's down to earth and carries a double meaning for the reader to decide