10-03-2014, 02:07 PM
Shoot me down, I don't mind. We are not suppose to argue, but we can have dialogue as they say now days.
I like the explanation more than the poem, as it is a better poem. I may not have gotten what you meant correctly (as a reader that's not my job, it's your job as the writer to convey clearly what you mean to convey), but what I wrote, is generally a fairly common association of what blue and red means when applied to emotions. You entitled this "colors of emotions" if red represents her hair and blue represents her eyes then your title is inaccurate. Hair and eyes are not emotions, yet this is what you have identified the colors as representing. Also, how is the reader supposed to figure out that these colors mean. When I think of red, I do not think of red hair (which is not red), but the color red, as in a stop sign. When I think of "blue", I generally think of a dark royal blue. Kind of like the blue in the border line on this page, if you have it set at blue, not eyes. Symbolism is generally a one to one correlation, not a two to one. You can't say, such and such means, this and that, which means, X and Y. Actually, as I review this I see you have a singular-plural conflict in the title. If you take the title at face value, then one emotion is represented by more than one color. If one makes the logical connection, one probably thinks there is a typo in the title. And as you refer to two colors in the poem, the natural conclusion to draw is that you meant Colors of Emotions, that is two colors and two emotions. As of walls, if one says the walls peel, then one assume it is referring to the painting or covering on the walls that is peeling, especially as walls do not peel. They break, as someone said, or they fall down. I don't believe I mentioned "churning", although swirl would probably work better.
Dale
I like the explanation more than the poem, as it is a better poem. I may not have gotten what you meant correctly (as a reader that's not my job, it's your job as the writer to convey clearly what you mean to convey), but what I wrote, is generally a fairly common association of what blue and red means when applied to emotions. You entitled this "colors of emotions" if red represents her hair and blue represents her eyes then your title is inaccurate. Hair and eyes are not emotions, yet this is what you have identified the colors as representing. Also, how is the reader supposed to figure out that these colors mean. When I think of red, I do not think of red hair (which is not red), but the color red, as in a stop sign. When I think of "blue", I generally think of a dark royal blue. Kind of like the blue in the border line on this page, if you have it set at blue, not eyes. Symbolism is generally a one to one correlation, not a two to one. You can't say, such and such means, this and that, which means, X and Y. Actually, as I review this I see you have a singular-plural conflict in the title. If you take the title at face value, then one emotion is represented by more than one color. If one makes the logical connection, one probably thinks there is a typo in the title. And as you refer to two colors in the poem, the natural conclusion to draw is that you meant Colors of Emotions, that is two colors and two emotions. As of walls, if one says the walls peel, then one assume it is referring to the painting or covering on the walls that is peeling, especially as walls do not peel. They break, as someone said, or they fall down. I don't believe I mentioned "churning", although swirl would probably work better.
Dale
(10-03-2014, 01:10 PM)Snipesrock Wrote: Peel is not simply used to rhyme. Mostly walls do break down, but this took time, years in fact, for what happened. In my mind, they more peeled away, brick my brick.
As to red and blue: Red is meaning the color of her hair, as well as the fire of my feelings toward her, Blue is her eyes, which is holds her depression, and sadness. When her hair covers her eyes, the seem to swirl together. These colors and emotions are specific to my relationship with her.
Now I'm not trying to shoot you down, I welcome any advice. I just wanted to explain how it was in my head, and what it means to me.
So maybe "swirl" instead of "swim" would be a better word for that part.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.