10-01-2014, 09:42 AM
I got really good notes here last month on this one. I've done some further revisions and the poem now looks like this:
August – 5th Draft
Say goodbye,
driving home under the moon,
remembering her cold hands.
She said: Don’t waste autumn
smoking and staring at your shoes.
Say goodbye, listening to radio static
and swallowing pills until you fall
onto pillows like a body stumbles from a ledge.
Goodbye, broken glass.
Goodbye, hand towels and carving knife.
Goodbye. She said, Write if you can,
and don’t worry about the night,
the night was always too dark for me.
August – 5th Draft
Say goodbye,
driving home under the moon,
remembering her cold hands.
She said: Don’t waste autumn
smoking and staring at your shoes.
Say goodbye, listening to radio static
and swallowing pills until you fall
onto pillows like a body stumbles from a ledge.
Goodbye, broken glass.
Goodbye, hand towels and carving knife.
Goodbye. She said, Write if you can,
and don’t worry about the night,
the night was always too dark for me.