haiku

[haikutec]

Hi Tamara,

so it should be:

etched on the moon
my listless wandering
behind the clouds.

reads better.

Not necessarily should be, I'm just thinking out aloud. :-)

But it's a start, to get it to the next draft version. After all Basho took years on his haibun, so we are allowed to take a little time too. :-)

But the syntax is already better.

It's good to consider whether you need both articles, do you need that second 'the' in the last line for instance?

regards,

Alan