haiku

[haikutec]

Hi Tamara,

this is just not working for me. anyone has some good suggestions?

etched on the moon
behind the clouds
my listless wandering

I've deliberately not read the comments yet.

The first line is very atmospheric:
"etched on the moon"

I wonder about switching lines two and three? Partly as you retain the classic short long short line shape, but also to avoid an inversion.

if you were aiming for a pivot line I don't think it's necessary to allow this to be a poem that resonates.

warm regards,

Alan