09-29-2014, 06:13 PM
(09-29-2014, 06:06 PM)billy Wrote: lots of people with dicky eyesight will be reaching for their glasses, think about your readers, many will have eye problems, small fint make eyes like mine bleedmine too. lol. i can't read them even with my glasses.
all in all you have the makings of a good poem. it does need an edit or two but it certainly has possibilities.
(09-28-2014, 12:40 PM)Tamara Wrote: Teak wood flowers, snow drops i like the opening as it gives a good image though i do have a suggestion;
Teak wood flowers cluster
like snowdrops on every branch,
cluster on every branch,
small fragrant ones;
a blizzard without a warning
on a November morning,
it’s as if winter set in early. no need for [it's] or [in]
You decide to leave,
crocheted leaves exhale leave and leaves feel too close in both ways. a suggestion would be to alter the next line.
winter and leave shadows;
a white haze on the hills.
I sing a lone song
a red whiskered bulbul
flies out to sunshine
and the leaves rustle. another leaves, a suggestion would be and the [insert tree of choice here] rustle[s]

thank you for the suggestions. it makes sense. another edit will follow soon.