09-25-2014, 06:03 AM
(09-24-2014, 08:57 PM)TheOnlyRedSmurf Wrote: It's quite graphic and the almost staccato tempo seems to help with the sense of flight fight response in the observer.Hi TheOnlyRedSmurf
The only thing I can say about that is that maybe if it had an ebb and flow it could further show the staggered breathing and rushing thoughts of the witness, but it is still good.
Aside from these two main points I liked that it is not overly saturated with details, again this lends to the theme of a traumatic event.
Welcome to the Pig Pen. Thank you for your considered comments, I will have a think about the ebb and flow as it could help the readers engagement with the poem, just not sure I have the capability but will have a think so thanks for the suggestion.
It's great to see a new member starting with feedback
it is after all the life blood of the site. Best Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out