Hand eye co-ordination

[ellajam]

Hi, Keith, another fine one. I think the first four lines could use some punctuation change. I'm no expert, but here's one way that might work:
She just stepped out!
A pale blue Ford slammed on
sending her into the air;
no sound came out, only a deep thud.
In S2 L4 did you mean "gobbed"?

She just stepped out!
a pale blue Ford slammed on
sending her into the air,
no sound came out only a deep thud.
Tights were torn at the knees
blood darkened in the nylon.
Asking to go home for a cup of tea
I took it to be a good sign,
embarrassed because she’d lost control.
love the last three lines here.
 
The phone box stunk of piss
handset half melted by some Zippo.
In the panic my lips touched
a grobbed on receiver, 
I thought of AIDS and swallowing spittoons.
Ambulance please,
there’s been an accident, Park road shops
no they don’t have fucking numbers
hurry please, she’s in pain.
Really solid straight through here. 
Her name was Eileen,
it was embroidered on the pink slippers
in which she shuffled to the perspex off licence,
twenty B&H and a half bottle of whiskey
every Friday night with sausage chips and gravy,
but this was a Thursday and she’d run out of milk
and I couldn't stop her.
Great ending.

Thanks for posting, I'm enjoying it.