09-24-2014, 08:22 AM
I unhook
the mottled miracle
gulping in my palm.
While I can't find a haiku using 'miracle', expressing emotion is common
(two involving fish):
Spring departs.
Birds cry
Fishes' eyes are filled with tears ~ Basho
very exciting
yet after awhile so sad
cormorant fishing ~ Basho
Considering the brevity of haiku; and, more importantly,
Japan's long tradition of co-operative writing; I think
it's reasonable, when necessary, to critique it by re-write.
Not that this is that close, but:
poor fish
gulping in my hand
you belong in the water
'I'*, however, is not infrequently used by the haiku masters.
It's how you use it that counts. The "I" above, imho, more than
meets the criteria.
Why? Haiku isn't about nature specifically, it is about women's/men's
interaction with it. A poem is never written by nature, it requires
someone to observe, to experience, and then to record it using language.
That said, one of the 'high' purposes of haiku is to connect us with nature,
to have us realize that we are not apart from it, but are a part of it.
*
I’m a wanderer
so let that be my name –
the first winter rain ~ Basho
After killing
a spider, how lonely I feel
in the cold of night! ~ Shiki
the tree cut,
dawn breaks early
at my little window ~ Shiki
the mottled miracle
gulping in my palm.
While I can't find a haiku using 'miracle', expressing emotion is common
(two involving fish):
Spring departs.
Birds cry
Fishes' eyes are filled with tears ~ Basho
very exciting
yet after awhile so sad
cormorant fishing ~ Basho
Considering the brevity of haiku; and, more importantly,
Japan's long tradition of co-operative writing; I think
it's reasonable, when necessary, to critique it by re-write.
Not that this is that close, but:
poor fish
gulping in my hand
you belong in the water
'I'*, however, is not infrequently used by the haiku masters.
It's how you use it that counts. The "I" above, imho, more than
meets the criteria.
Why? Haiku isn't about nature specifically, it is about women's/men's
interaction with it. A poem is never written by nature, it requires
someone to observe, to experience, and then to record it using language.
That said, one of the 'high' purposes of haiku is to connect us with nature,
to have us realize that we are not apart from it, but are a part of it.
*
I’m a wanderer
so let that be my name –
the first winter rain ~ Basho
After killing
a spider, how lonely I feel
in the cold of night! ~ Shiki
the tree cut,
dawn breaks early
at my little window ~ Shiki
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions