The Bumper Sticker

[beaufort]

Our neighbor, Jeff, is sitting out,
while drizzle falls, he leans and stares (could leave out "while", no need for comma)
as water gurgles down the spout
beside the window I look though. (through)

The man has sat there now for years, (maybe something like "he sits there daily, now for years" or some such to overcome the implication that he has never moved)
not more than fifty feet away.
But still, my mother has her fears… (could leave out the comma)
he talks and laughs up to the sky.

He brings his two pet snakes outside,
and lets them slither on a branch (could leave out "and")
he found on Assateague and tied
up in the roof over his porch. (in the rafters? something like "among the rafters in his porch" might make this more clear)

When it stops raining, I’m sure he’ll
be working on his Cherokee,
which wears a crackling, but still
there, “Veteran” bumper sticker. (I like the ending, but "he'll and "still" are too far off to my ears given the pure rhymes in the earlier stanzas.  The third line could use a bit of a meter overhaul in my opinion, such as "that proudly wears a crackling, but still")



Enjoyed this!  I can see him sitting on the porch with his eccentricities and his snakes, and this is a timely subject and one that most anyone can relate to. Hope comments are helpful.  Thanks.