The Bumper Sticker
#5
(09-10-2014, 03:38 AM)alatos Wrote:  Our neighbor, Jeff, is sitting out,
while drizzle falls, he leans and stares
as water gurgles down the spout
beside the window I look though.  (through?)

The man has sat there now for years,
not more than fifty feet away.
But still, my mother has her fears…
he talks and laughs up to the sky.

He brings his two pet snakes outside,
and lets them slither on a branch
he found on Assateague and tied
up in the roof over his porch.

When it stops raining, I’m sure he’ll
be working on his Cherokee,
which wears a crackling, but still
there, “Veteran” bumper sticke  (Sticker)
Your poems is well structured and has nice rhyming pattern.
Your words used set a good mood to the poem but they sound edgy.
However, the some lines sound awkward in trying to get to the buildup of pointing out your poem to say that your writing talks about a bumper sticker.
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Messages In This Thread
The Bumper Sticker - by alatos - 09-10-2014, 03:38 AM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by zahrakh - 09-11-2014, 02:53 AM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by tectak - 09-18-2014, 06:25 AM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by billy - 09-18-2014, 05:44 PM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by Mwaba don - 09-20-2014, 08:49 PM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by beaufort - 09-23-2014, 01:05 AM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by oceanwanderer20 - 10-10-2014, 06:14 AM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by crow - 10-12-2014, 07:37 AM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by tectak - 10-13-2014, 05:15 AM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by tectak - 10-13-2014, 04:51 PM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by Brownlie - 10-12-2014, 12:58 PM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by bogpan - 10-12-2014, 02:31 PM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by musicismylife78 - 10-13-2014, 09:31 AM
RE: The Bumper Sticker - by vagabond - 11-24-2014, 01:40 AM



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