Flight

[Todd]

Hi milo,

It's good to read you again. Some comments for you.

Immediate takeaways, I appreciated the sonics. The consonance of the gr and then pr sounds. The imagery throughout moving up and down blending with the title and the theme. Some line notes:

It is the lie of birds - that you need wings,--I'm assuming that's supposed to be an em dash instead of a hyphen. I think i prefer the line without it. I get the effect it gives you in the speaker's tone. I worry that the pause detracts from a solid first line.
the lie of time that gravity--I enjoy this thought. It's sort of like Nick Flynn's idea in his Cartoon Physics part I poem. We suspend in the air before time in this case not gravity reveals the error. Nice layering of concerts great word to break on.
brings you to the ground, presses
like a pillow against your face;--great image for gravity, in the feel of it and in its fatality in this instance
soft, unbreakable.--solid end word, giving a slight lie to the speaker's argument alluding to gravity being a unbreakable law

The clouds of summer call--the last strophe seemed to lay out the proposition. This one from its content and end words seem to the speaker drawing courage and maybe even reconnecting with childhood daydreams
like cold salt-cream, but wait ---I like cold salt-cream for its phrasing. This is the childhood angle I hit on along with the previous line. Is this homemade ice cream?
till autumn forms
as long striated runways in the sky,--gorgeous phrasing and imagery
then climb--what a great strophe break and continuation

higher than the the jealous, root-bound
trees can stretch their branches,
hooked and bare like knuckled grasps.--solid image with the trees. They reach but even they aren't free. I like the word play that almost says bare knuckled implying subtly a fight
Go to where the cliffs tower,
where the sea crashes far below and mists
up in a howl of billows, the pale blue
of a loose night shirt.--the nature imagery is nice for its sense of movement, but it's the shirt which really works. Not just for how it shows the sea spray but how it implies the speaker in flight--as if his clothing is rippling in flight.

Link arms and dive--now there's more than one person. This is possibly a metaphor for humanity to unshackle themselves from their preconceived maxims using flight as the conceit
upwards till the sound of surf,
breaking bones on rocks, --good content, not all break free
dissolves in white-noise static.
Twist through the clouds
in their spectre-gray grave linens--love this image
to where the oxygen is rare--while I like this progression, oxygen is just one of those words that feels very modern next to everything else. It may be just my feel of the word. I don't mind just noting it.
spun candy on your tongue,--again great phrasing
cast off earth-heavy thoughts,--I like cast off because it fixes an anchor in my mind. Earth-heavy seems a bit clunky, not in concept but just the feeling that there must be a better choice out there.
close your eyes
and fly.--you have to end with these lines. This is the promised payoff--no complaints here.

I hope some of this will be helpful to you. I enjoyed the read.

Best,

Todd

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Milo one thing I forget. You have the the on S3 L1.