09-03-2014, 10:01 PM
"Chalk in hand, I remember
a student can play teacher, so feel"
this throws me because i don't see the logic. maybe you can help me, it might be my fault. why does remembering a student can play teacher mean you feel for pigtails? the "so" is what stumbles me. what is related about playing teacher and feeling pigtails?
"mound of hair and flesh" sounds a little scary. *eerie noise plays in background*
overall i don't quite follow the poem, even though i like it. i understand it's a dream and there are memories, and the images you use are good. are you having a lucid dream? are you seeing yourself in your bed? if you would explain what's going on, then i will either realize i'm slow or suggest some further edits.
a student can play teacher, so feel"
this throws me because i don't see the logic. maybe you can help me, it might be my fault. why does remembering a student can play teacher mean you feel for pigtails? the "so" is what stumbles me. what is related about playing teacher and feeling pigtails?
"mound of hair and flesh" sounds a little scary. *eerie noise plays in background*
overall i don't quite follow the poem, even though i like it. i understand it's a dream and there are memories, and the images you use are good. are you having a lucid dream? are you seeing yourself in your bed? if you would explain what's going on, then i will either realize i'm slow or suggest some further edits.
"The best way out is always through."-Robert Frost
dwcapture.com
dwcapture.com