"Hero"

[ellajam]

Hi Simmon, welcome.

I understand that English is not your first language. I'd like to suggest that you run your work through a grammar checker.

Your subject is relevant in today's world, but you need to use language and technique in a new and fresh way to make your poem distinctive. I placed a few notes below.

Let's hail to our Hero!
We sing, we praise, and we fight for him!
For the sake of children… for the sake of tomorrow…
Our heart is given, to the glorious one.
This is clear with reasonable phrasing.

It's not a vote that we give, but it is our trust!
Our hands cover in blood! Our body falls to the ground!
We dream about hope, yet wake up in the darker day…
Oh, how foolish we are… to fight for nothing.
Our hands covered. Our bodies fall.

Now that we remember… about the day we forget…
Our enemies… once we were brothers…
Such a sin we’ve commit… this regret which we’ve bare…
All this for glorious one, who don't give a damn!
Too many ellipses. The day we forgot (what day?). Either We commit or we've committed, same with We bare or we've born, (I think, , I'm no expert.)

Concept wise, it seems to be a religious believer who has lost his faith. How has his experience with war led him to this? For me, the poem needs to be clearer and deeper.

Thanks for the read, glad to have you here.