09-02-2014, 06:59 PM
the title is making me think to much. i see a child being rescued but the title contradicts it. is the farmer in the barn or outside looking on?
(08-31-2014, 01:27 AM)Keith Wrote: Edit.....TTL
Neighbours are running bringing buckets comma after [running,] no need for [are] bringing could be [bring]
as smoke and flames claim the barn. no need for [as]
Jess is too scared to leave
she paces the straw lined floor
her barking is painful, becoming frantic.
With charcoal streaks the old farmer pleads, where are the streaks?
with lowered eyes the watchers decide feels a bit weak in comparison to the most of the poem.
she hasn't survived.
But the wind brings in a child's cry
and Jess drags something
backwards through the door.
Original
The neighbours arrive with buckets,
smoke and flames claim the barn.
Jess is too lost to run and paces the floor
her barking is painful, becoming frantic.
With charcoal streaks the old farmer pleads,
with lowered eyes the watchers decide
she won’t survive, stupid dog won’t even try.
But the wind brings a child's cry
and Jess drags something
backwards through the door.