Eyelids, edit 2

[Leanne]

There is much to like here. The senses are all included and help build a strange, flickering image almost like a series of old films or one of those flip book things. Each part of the poem connects to another and the whole is cohesive, but not overt, which means that I'll be able to come back and draw more out of it at each reading. That makes me happy.

Eyelids

Eyelids

You could run into the field of corn.
You would hear the crisp snap of the leaves shattering upon your advance.
You would smell dust.
You would get tiny, itchy cuts.
It would feel still and uncomfortable, and
you would be self-conscious because even though running into a corn field seems natural, and maybe even wholesome, it isn't done, and the rattling sound betrays you,
and what if there are corn snakes? -- I really like the change in line length here -- it gives a feeling of breathlessness -- I might suggest no line break after "betrays you" and a hanging "and" instead of the question mark
You could stop mid-stride and echo-locate the road fifty feet away.
You could stop mid-stride, and huff an pant, wondering at yourself for this queer election. -- huff AND pant
And you could whistle for an hour, there, just to see if something interesting could occur. -- what about "will occur"?

You could pretend to be mad in a public place. -- damn right!
You could stare at a red object intensely, worrying about it.
You could masturbate in a gas station bathroom.
You could wash off with pink soap.
You could ask permission first and, after hearing no, cause distress by going into the bathroom for normal reasons.

You could cry out in pain. You could do it whenever you decide it would help.

You won't.

You'll continue to not be on the roof of anything--your car, your house, a crayon rendering of your house.

You could ask irrelevant questions to the pretty girl until she ceases to be joyful. You could hate yourself, then.
You could carry yourself through Minyards as if in no past life were you ever once a slave. -- nice tie=in with the corn fields, and a powerful idea in itself

You won't.

You'll continue not to have past lives, or important secrets, or the ability to wink charmingly.
You'll have this life, and shame,
and you'll try not to blink when they come for you.