09-01-2014, 06:29 AM
Bena had mentioned giving the reader specific images to cling to. I agree with this. The entire premise of the poem is relatable, which I think is the biggest strength here. Poems that are easily relatable have the power to hit the reader in a profound way. However, the poem has no grounding. Offer the reader something to hold onto, instead of only questions. It doesn't necessarily have to be answers to the questions. It could be breaking up the questions with imagery that gives the reader something concrete to visualize. It could be metaphors that would give your questions room to breathe and make them more complex which will then give the reader something to think about beyond the written words. I think this poem has a good foundation. My suggestion would be to first figure out how you want to deal with breaking up all the questions (or grounding them), and then go from there. Thanks for sharing your work!