09-01-2014, 01:45 AM
I disagree with the other critiques about it being unclear. It took a few reads but the whole story was clear to me, and touching.
I do agree with the comments about word choice. Some of it is superfluous, some of it is just for show. You don't need uncommon or big words to write good poetry-- you need uncommon or big ideas. And this is one of them. So don't give up on this story.
As an exercise, try putting the main idea of each stanza into one line or sentence. I think you could. Then see what you can rebuild from there.
This needs some work, but more importantly it deserves some work. Looking forward to an edit.
-justcloudy
I do agree with the comments about word choice. Some of it is superfluous, some of it is just for show. You don't need uncommon or big words to write good poetry-- you need uncommon or big ideas. And this is one of them. So don't give up on this story.
As an exercise, try putting the main idea of each stanza into one line or sentence. I think you could. Then see what you can rebuild from there.
This needs some work, but more importantly it deserves some work. Looking forward to an edit.
-justcloudy
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.