Welcomed Rest

[milo]

Hello.

For the most part, it is already a familiar scene. It is important in poetry to make an economy of your words while here you seem to be trying to use as many words as possible.

I love medieval history and this one came to me after reading a book about the vikings. Hope you like it.



WELCOMED REST

The warm Summer sun shines upon him,
Glinting off armor and sword,
The air stinking of sweat, excitement, and fear,
Yet calmness.

you have "summer" do you need warm? You have shines do you need glinting? You also have a comma splice. You have confusion. how does air stink of calmness? There are too many participles. I would recommend you go through it and strip away every modifier and fix the grammar and then add back only modifiers you think are absolutely necessary or point to your central metaphor.

Good luck!