08-20-2014, 02:19 AM
W, billy, Silver, Uber, Chris:
thank you all for the comments/suggestions/feedback. this is exactly what i joined this site for and i'm grateful for the critique.
i think i might ask a mod to move this to the serious workshopping forum though...it might do better there where it can be stripped down and pulled apart so i can revisit it for editing. i should have posted it there to begin with and now that i'm seeing the weaknesses in the content and delivery of the metaphor, i think it's best to open it up to more serious critique. not that what you all haven't given me is wonderful, i just really want to tear it apart now and try to salvage what's left and come back with a stronger edit.
thanks again, all!
thank you ellajam for moving this to the appropriate forum
thank you all for the comments/suggestions/feedback. this is exactly what i joined this site for and i'm grateful for the critique.
i think i might ask a mod to move this to the serious workshopping forum though...it might do better there where it can be stripped down and pulled apart so i can revisit it for editing. i should have posted it there to begin with and now that i'm seeing the weaknesses in the content and delivery of the metaphor, i think it's best to open it up to more serious critique. not that what you all haven't given me is wonderful, i just really want to tear it apart now and try to salvage what's left and come back with a stronger edit.
thanks again, all!
thank you ellajam for moving this to the appropriate forum