08-18-2014, 07:35 PM
Hi, KJ, welcome.
For me it reads like the mountains are "Meditating, watching, growing,". I can get the feeling of them watching, but not meditating or growing. If the Narrator was doing this you may want to clarify.
I don't think the double wild works.
On the whole the poem was a little blunt, I'd rather get an image that reminds me of your last line than be told it.
Good luck with it, glad to have you here.
For me it reads like the mountains are "Meditating, watching, growing,". I can get the feeling of them watching, but not meditating or growing. If the Narrator was doing this you may want to clarify.
I don't think the double wild works.
On the whole the poem was a little blunt, I'd rather get an image that reminds me of your last line than be told it.
Good luck with it, glad to have you here.
(08-18-2014, 08:17 AM)KerouacJack Wrote: In this peaceful moment a sigh of content cleanses my mind,
Lungs in harmony with the winds around me,
Carrying the weight from atop my shoulders.
Mountains patiently surround me,
Meditating, watching, growing,
The wild wild winds of time are as still as the depths of ancient ice,
Oh the beauty of being infinitely aware whilst endlessly insignificant .
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips